Thursday, 18 October 2007
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Ding dong, the witch is dead…..
….ok, not dead, but out of my day-to-day life at least, which is pretty fantastic.
So I’ll admit it. I’m a bad, unreliable blogger.
For the past couple of months, my own research has been going slower and slower, and then I hit the inevitable completely insurmountable brick-wall. Advisor A and I were barely communicating. Despite all the crap Ad A has been throwing my way over the past months, deep down I was hoping that everything would work out, that I wouldn’t really need to implement an escape plan.
But, in our last meeting together when I tried to talk to her about how I was feeling completely and utterly stuck, she told me that her role as an advisor was to ‘stand on the sidelines and occasionally cheer, not provide conceptual or content advice’. If I had more than one study idea, Advisor A suggested that I run them all, and work out which one was best on my own.
I walked out of her office, for the first time really knowing that I couldn’t go on anymore if she was going to remain my supervisor. I could try, wasting more time and money in the process, but ultimately I would never finish my dissertation. After that last meeting it felt like it was only a matter of time before her supervisory relationship with me completely broke down.
So, Boss returned and I started making appointments with the appropriate graduate coordinators, administrators and potential new supervisors.
Telling Advisor A that I no longer wanted to be her student was tough. I really had no idea how she would react to the news. I was half expecting her to yell and throw things (most likely at me), and I was sure that it would be a bitter and hostile end to a pretty shocking experience with her. As I knocked on her door, I felt almost queasy.
She had her head in her hands as I walked into her office, and was lamenting that she was having an absolutely horrible day (I should note that it was only 9:30am, which is a bit early to be making such statements, but that is beside the point). I had carefully chosen my words to try and make what I was saying as least confrontational and personal as possible. As the words were coming out of my mouth, I saw her complete demeanour change. She went from slouching to sitting up straight and her expression went from all twisty and angry to almost one of relief. At the end of my spiel, she actually smiled at me. I couldn’t believe it. Then she started talking, and admitted that her supervision of me had been much less that satisfactory, she wished me all the best, gave me a little pat on the shoulder and ushered me out of her office.
Out of all the scenarios, her behaving in a dignified and professional manner was not even close to what I imagined.
And now I’m free. And it feel like someone has taken off my blinkers, and things that were impossible two weeks ago are almost possible.
Boss asked me whether I could see myself doing work in his area of expertise, and offered to take me on. I was surprised and honoured.
So all in all, things are slowing falling into place. I now have to start again. Although Boss and Advisor A’s research interests do overlap to a certain extent, they come from theoretically distinct points of view. I’ve jumped fence into Boss’s camp, and as a result, am saying goodbye old plan and reading and reading and reading hoping to come up with something new. Starting again is not where I expected to be at this point in time, although the extra spring in my step and new found motivation both tell me that it was the right thing to do.
So I’ll admit it. I’m a bad, unreliable blogger.
For the past couple of months, my own research has been going slower and slower, and then I hit the inevitable completely insurmountable brick-wall. Advisor A and I were barely communicating. Despite all the crap Ad A has been throwing my way over the past months, deep down I was hoping that everything would work out, that I wouldn’t really need to implement an escape plan.
But, in our last meeting together when I tried to talk to her about how I was feeling completely and utterly stuck, she told me that her role as an advisor was to ‘stand on the sidelines and occasionally cheer, not provide conceptual or content advice’. If I had more than one study idea, Advisor A suggested that I run them all, and work out which one was best on my own.
I walked out of her office, for the first time really knowing that I couldn’t go on anymore if she was going to remain my supervisor. I could try, wasting more time and money in the process, but ultimately I would never finish my dissertation. After that last meeting it felt like it was only a matter of time before her supervisory relationship with me completely broke down.
So, Boss returned and I started making appointments with the appropriate graduate coordinators, administrators and potential new supervisors.
Telling Advisor A that I no longer wanted to be her student was tough. I really had no idea how she would react to the news. I was half expecting her to yell and throw things (most likely at me), and I was sure that it would be a bitter and hostile end to a pretty shocking experience with her. As I knocked on her door, I felt almost queasy.
She had her head in her hands as I walked into her office, and was lamenting that she was having an absolutely horrible day (I should note that it was only 9:30am, which is a bit early to be making such statements, but that is beside the point). I had carefully chosen my words to try and make what I was saying as least confrontational and personal as possible. As the words were coming out of my mouth, I saw her complete demeanour change. She went from slouching to sitting up straight and her expression went from all twisty and angry to almost one of relief. At the end of my spiel, she actually smiled at me. I couldn’t believe it. Then she started talking, and admitted that her supervision of me had been much less that satisfactory, she wished me all the best, gave me a little pat on the shoulder and ushered me out of her office.
Out of all the scenarios, her behaving in a dignified and professional manner was not even close to what I imagined.
And now I’m free. And it feel like someone has taken off my blinkers, and things that were impossible two weeks ago are almost possible.
Boss asked me whether I could see myself doing work in his area of expertise, and offered to take me on. I was surprised and honoured.
So all in all, things are slowing falling into place. I now have to start again. Although Boss and Advisor A’s research interests do overlap to a certain extent, they come from theoretically distinct points of view. I’ve jumped fence into Boss’s camp, and as a result, am saying goodbye old plan and reading and reading and reading hoping to come up with something new. Starting again is not where I expected to be at this point in time, although the extra spring in my step and new found motivation both tell me that it was the right thing to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
