Urgh...

I'm sick. I hate being sick, but I took the day off uni yesterday and it was really nice to just mooch about my room in a feverish haze knowing that I was going to get a long weekend. Ha - that's me, always looking on the bright side!

My Boss called from Europe today, and I had a really great chat to him. He always says such thoughtful and measured comments in regards in Advisor A. He reminded me of the importance of knowing when to leave a (bad) situation, and when it's worth fighting to stay.

Secretly I wanted him to say ‘ditch Advisor A’s sorry ass and come over to my research group’ but I know that for him, politically within the department and professionally, it’s not that easy. Taking the place of ex-Advisor B was a generous step for him, and I can’t ask for anything else. I’ve always found the thought of someone swooping in and ‘rescuing’ me, without having to take any risks myself, excruciatingly tempting. But part of this kafuffle is working it out on my own, otherwise I guess the whole experience would have been worthless. Damn, I hate responsibility!

A glimpse at freedom

I felt a little bit shaky when I opened up my Inbox this morning and found an email from the postgrad-student mediator. My first thought was that Advisor A has had enough with me and was attempting to leave. But alas alack - it seems that Advisor A was only in a bit of a panic over her behaviour regarding the meetings at Rival Uni and thus emailed the mediator a ‘progress report’ on her supervision of me. He proceeded to forward the email to me, and ask me how I think/feel about the emerging situation. I bluntly told him that I can’t see myself continuing with Ad A as my primary supervisor, whether the break comes now or in the next few months, it is enevitable.

As I was writing these words to him the realisation that I would no longer have to deal with this crazy woman was so exciting. It has been almost 2 years of drama with Advisor A and the thought of an Advisor A-less world is indeed a bright and shiny one.

Get back in my corner Advisor A!

Advisor A replied, which is a small miracle within itself. The gist of her response was that a) she doesn’t feel the need to keep me up-to-date on her relationship with Rival Uni whether or not the seminars are directly related to my research; b) As ex-Advisor B helps organise these special collaborative meetings, and she no longer is my co-advisor, she doesn’t want me there; c) Rival’s application was rejected because it was too similar to mine – which is precisely the problem I have been trying to have heard for the past 9 months.

What I took most offence at in Ad A’s email was her blatant untruths. Actually, maybe a better way of saying that is that many of the things she uses in her defence contradict things she has said to me in the past. I have no idea what is true or not true from her anymore.

Boss says the most important thing in an advisor is not that they are in your exact research field, or that they like you, rather it is that they are in your corner. They stand behind you, extol your virtues to visiting scholars, fight on you behalf for research space and resources, stand up for you in committee meetings, and generally try to make the experience as fulfilling as possible given the restraints on their own time and resources.

I feel that Ad A is going out of her way to make this more difficult for me, that if push comes to shove she has no qualms in shunting me to the side in favour of others. The fact that she would knowingly organise a seminar in my broad research area and better still, invite a specialist to speak on a topic that my first study is directly investigating, without informing me, is completely disheartening, and just shows how far out of my corner she really is.

Dear Advisor A,

I understand that [my research field] group meetings between [Home uni] and [Rival Uni] have been going ahead for the last couple of months. I was unaware that these collaborative meetings were occurring and am concerned that you did not think to include me in these meeting. I believe that one of the outcomes of our meeting with [mediator] was that you would continue to provide me with networking opportunities, and links to the other research in my field going on at [Rival Uni]. Why was I not invited to these meetings?

Also, I realise that [Rival] has been having difficulty gaining approval to conduct her research with [special population], I trust that your request today for my successful application does not mean that you are passing along my application to her.

Regards,
psychphd

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As evidenced by the above email, which is merely the most recent problem in a long list of ongoing issues with Ad A, things are continuing to deteriorate. Although Boss has taken the place of Ad B (only after some intensive mediated meetings with Ad A, myself, the postgrad coordinator and of course a mediator), he is out of the country for 2 months, and as a result Ad A is back to her old tricks. The way I see it I either quit my PhD or quit Ad A. I can't imagine myself doing anything other than research. This is my passion, so although it's probably the harder option in the short run. I think I have to leave Ad A. Now if only Boss were in the country I would do it now, but with both him away, and the postgrad coordinator, I think I'll have to stick it out for a few more months. I wonder what Ad A will surprise me with next.

It's gotten to the point where I am no longer surprised by how she treats me. I am a hard worker, and I am committed to this research. I don't know why she is making this so difficult.